Link Building for Dumb Asses

Want links? Be a dumb ass.

There are many ways of acquiring links. One surefire way of ensuring hordes of people link to you is by being a dumb ass.

I searched deep within my lexicon of vocabulary prowess to not offend your eyes with such a crass descriptor. I assure you, dear reader, there’s no better way of describing what I’m about to lay before you other than…dumb ass.

Across all forms of media there’s rarely a better attention getter than dumb ass-ness. Before we go any further I feel it important to define exactly what I’m talking about here.

In order for this scheme to work you must be both dumb and an ass. If you’re merely dumb, you have the potential of gaining popularity. But you also run the risk of being sidelined.

Allow me to explain. Remember when Jessica Simpson thought “Chicken of the Sea” was actually chicken? That got a lot of attention for sure. The attention, though, was more along the lines of “poor silly dumb girl. At least she’s pretty.” Few of us are Jessica Simpson hot. So all we would be left with was, “poor silly dumb girl.” Nobody wants that.

On the other side, merely being an ass rarely gets you anything of benefit. Think of all the people in your life who were asses. The big fat bully in junior high, the guy jammed up on your car bumper madly honking his horn at you this morning. All you want to do is get away from them. There are so many asses in the world, they rarely even warrant a second thought much less a reference in a conversation.

However, mash those two things up and you, my friend, have stumbled upon magic. Mixing up a dose of dumb with a cup of ass and you have something as good as bleach and ammonia. You could create something as simple as a chlorine-like gas that suffocates your audience. Or, with just the right mixture, you could even create an explosion! The best way to explain this recipe is through example. Let’s take a look at some dumb asses through the media.

First off is some classic dumb assy-ness. Casey Kasem, the long-time radio host, clearly was having a bad day as he flipped out at his staff for coming out of an upbeat record and having to talk about someone dying.

Casey Kasem has nothing up on Bill O’Reilly. This flip out is maybe the all-time best dumb ass media personality display I’ve ever seen.

But these kind of displays are not for the famous alone. Anyone can be a dumb ass. Check out this guy who gets really mad at his computer.

Don’t let this short list stop you, just go to YouTube and do a search for ‘dumb ass‘ for endless amusement.

Those are all very entertaining. I’d characterize those as “flip out” variations on a “dumb ass” theme.

Let’s take a look at the “sincerity” variation. Often times called the sincere dumb ass. Used in a sentence you might say, “That sure is one sincere dumb ass.”

I’m not immune from falling into this category. Just check out an old video I did entitled “Jackson Pollack is a dick.” My facts were technically wrong, it goes on and on. I can’t even bring myself to watch it. Have fun leaving some bashing comment. I won’t read it out of sheer embarrassment.

President Bush, unfortunately, isn’t immune from the sincere dumb ass effect. Former President Bill Clinton was a sincere dumb ass when he said he “did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Eloquence is a thin veneer for a thick foundation of dumb ass.

You can find examples in all areas of life, in all industries. Just look around. The Web marketing industry has no shortage of dumb asses, I assure you.

The one thing being a dumb ass guarantees every single time is attention. P.T. Barnum said, “All publicity is good publicity.” So go forth and yell, shout, ridicule, make fun of, be confidently stupid. In the end, if links are what you want, links are what you’ll get.

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