The 18 Worst Online Marketing Pickup Lines

Yes, it's Valentine's Day, so it's the perfect excuse to throw up a post with the worst online marketing pickup lines this side of that last meetup meeting you attended. We heartily recommend not using any of these on another human being, unless you are overheating and are in dire need of a drink thrown in your face.

So without further ado, set your mind to Groan Factor 9, remove all pointy objects from your desk in case you urgently feel the need to slam your head directly into it, and prepare to read the worst online marketing pickup lines it'll ever be your misfortune to read – at least until other readers add theirs into the comments.

Was Your Father an Online Marketer

I Guarantee I'll Have You Screaming Yahoo

My ROI is Through the Roof

You Are So Keyword Not Found

Do Some Reciprocal Linking

I'd Never Return a 403 to You

You're Just Like a PR9 Link

Let Me Be Your UV

You Look Like You Have a Great Link Profile

If I Said You Have a Beautiful Blog...

You're Like a PPC Keyword

No A-B Testing Needed

You Deserve Your Own Hashtag

Is that a 413 Status Code

I'd Give Up Twitter for You...

I Buy Links

You're Right in my Target Demographic

I Know We Just Met...

About the author

Simon Heseltine is the Director in charge of Search Engine Optimization (SEO) at AOL Inc. In this role Simon and his team are responsible for organic search and training across all AOL and Huffington Post Media Group properties. He has also visited the UK office on several occasions to consult and train the AOL-UK teams on SEO best practices.

In his previous position as Director of Search at a Washington, D.C., based agency, Simon was responsible for developing and implementing organic search and social media strategies for companies across several industries. He also developed and delivered training programs for clients, including a large U.S. media company, to enable them to best take advantage of the opportunities available to their companies through both organic search and social media.

Simon is a frequent speaker at conferences in the U.S. and UK on topics ranging from SEO to social search to reputation management. He also teaches SEO at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C., as part of their Digital Media Management program.

Simon has a BA (Hons) from the University of Humberside, and a Masters in IT from Virginia Tech.