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Google Quits Search, Focuses on Waste Management

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FAST, Ask Jeeves, Inktomi, and LookSmart To Merge, Combat Google
The name of the new company to be determined, but the acronym FAIL has been ruled out.

Animal Rights Activates Protest Google PigeonRank http://www.google.com/technology/pigeonrank.html
Undercover video discovers that "free range" pigeons used to calculate search results actually must punch in to a time clock and work eight hours per day or lose vesting options for when Google goes public.

AltaVista Wins Patent Suit; Other Search Engines To Close
After a seven year legal battle, the US Supreme Court ruled today that AltaVista's patents on searching are indeed valid and that all other crawlers are infringing on its rights. Google's stock plunged 90 percent as the company announced it would have to pull out of the search market, in the wake of its loss.

Overture Rejects Paid Placement Model
We've earned enough, company says.
Now sites will be ranked by their "feel good" factor. Viagra and casino web sites are considering a class action suit against the former paid listing service, claiming that the model shift endangers their businesses.

Google To Become Portal
GoogleMail is to allow anyone to be [email protected] New GoogleStocks and GooglePages web building feature also unveiled. "Yeah, we said we'd never become a portal, but that was all part of our master plan," said cofounder Larry Page. Google's other cofounder Sergey Brin also confirmed that the company was launching a hostile takeover of Yahoo.

Yahoo Declares Free Submission Day
Anyone signing up for today's "Fools" special is guaranteed to be listed -- for life!

And that sums up today's theme -- happy April Fools Day, everyone! :-)

Search Headlines

AltaVista Introduces "Paid Exclusion" Program
CNET

Scientists: Artifacts Prove Neanderthals Used Boolean
Nature

LookSmart Study Shows Ontology Recapitulates Psychotherapy
Wired News

Omphalos: A Search Engine for Belly Buttons
ResearchBuzz

FAST Selected to Build SecondGov.gov "Shadow Government" Portal
Washington Post

Super Searcher Price Proposes Marriage on Weblog
DayPop

Inktomi to Power Budweiser's new "Whazzup" Search Engine
MSNBC

Consumer Watchdog Alleges Paid Placement, Alzheimers Link
USA Today

Lycos Restores Links to Frisbeetarian Protest Sites
Boston.Internet.com

About Changes Slogan to "All PopUps, All the Time"
Advertising Age

BT Claims Patent on the Word "AND"
Globe and Mail

Former Excite Exec Blames Demise on Global Warming
Silicon Valley News

Breakthrough Technology Guarantees Top Ranking in 1 Billion Search Engines for $19.95
Disinformation Today


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