Worried that one of their competitors might release something that hasn't yet been released this week, major players have agreed in principle to unveil all products currently in development as of 6pm Pacific Time tonight.
Called the "Piñata" plan, because of how searchers are to be showered with new search products of all types in one go, the deal was brokered early this morning by tired public relations officers at the major search engines, after equally tired reporters lost the energy to answer further email, phone calls or even blog an additional sentence about anything.
One fear in arranging the deal was that after everything that's already come out this week, there were no search goodies left. But Google checked on a little known feature of its marketing department. There's a big gumball machine usually kept brimming with products in development. Whenever it looks like someone might not write something about Google, in goes a penny and out comes a nice new product to announce, in beta of course.
Fortunately, while Google's product gumball level was lower than usual, it still had plenty left. But even informing its competitors that it was good to go on Operation Piñata was fraught with the usual competitiveness.
On hearing of the Google product gumball machine, Yahoo immediately announced that it had its own gumball machine full of products, but one that was better due to the social aspect of allowing anyone to operate it, not just selected people. It had even been tagged *.* by many in the know, to represent how it covered everything.
MSN then responded that it had a gumball machine in development. But MSN self-admitted that it was the third horse in the gumball machine race, with Robert Scoble adding further depression when he blogged that "Google's gumball machine is kicking our ass."
MSN then bounced back with confidence:
"Give us six months, and our gumball machine will be so full of products that no one will doubt us," replied several top level executives, speaking to various children in various parts of the world.
As expected, AOL was easily able to come aboard after having dropped the walled garden around its own machine. As for A9, it announced Open Gumball. In this plan, anyone with product launches can easily integrate them into A9, relieving it of the burden of developing stuff itself.
I know, it's not April Fool's. But I thought we could use a little break. And people scoffed at the idea of search marketing day. Hey, if you'd all just have picked a date, you'd be relaxing right now. Well, you can still comment and suggest at the forums: Vote On Day For Search Marketing Day!
Anyway, after getting a zillion emails as reported by The Onion of search blogs, Gray Hat Search Engine News, I'm a bit punchy. Then again, Chris has apparently been spending all the money I've been giving him for fine liquor and whole-grain snacks on other things, degrading my mental health.
Huh? There's a diagram that explains it all: Danny Sullivan Will Eat Himself. Geez, there's even a forum thread, which makes Gary depressed. He blogs and blogs but doesn't get on the diagram and doesn't get a thread. Someone, please illustrate something about Gary. As for Elisabeth, she's cool. She found a mountain with snow on it still somewhere...
Meet Your Favorite Search Engine Watch Contributors
Many of SEW's leading expert contributors will be at ClickZ Live, the new online and digital marketing event kicking off in New York (March 31-April 3). Hear from the likes of: Thom Craver, Josh Braaten, Lisa Barone, Simon Heseltine, Josh McCoy, Lisa Raehsler, Greg Jarboe, Dan Cristo, Joseph Kerschbaum, John Gagnon, Eric Enge and more!